“WOOF WOOF WOOF! MEOW!” – WHAT NOT TO SAY ON A BLIND DATE (1987)

Who are these people? (Amazon)

Walter Davis (Bruce Willis), junior exec at a Los Angeles investment bank, can’t get a date. Who has time for romance after arduous sixteen-hour days at the office, massaging the assets of such valuable clients as Japanese tycoon Yakamoto (Sab Shimono)? Unfortunately, the bank now plans a formal dinner in Mr. Yakamoto’s honor and it would be unthinkable for Walter to turn up stag. What a difficulty. Who will volunteer as the “extra woman," Walter’s blind date for the night?

Enter Nadia Gates, an acquaintance of Walter’s brother Ted (Phil Hartman). Turns out that Walter’s date is Kim Basinger circa 1987. Could be worse, right? But Nadia’s extraordinary beauty comes with a catch.

“Don’t get her drunk,” Ted warns. “If you get her drunk, she loses control.”

What does that mean, exactly?

“She gets real wild. Woof woof woof! Meow!”

ARE YOU STONED ENOUGH TO STEAL THIS SIGN?

CDOT via kdvr.com
Mile 420, on I-70 east of Denver, will no longer be marked with a road sign due to repeated theft, Denver's Fox TV affiliate reports. Colorado Department of Transportation’s next best milestone is 419.99 (pictured).

Apparently “420” is urban slang for “Let’s get high on weed” (urbandictionary.com).

Not hip to the lingo? Clench your thumb and index finger and raise to pursed lips before squeaking “Four twenny!” or “Four two oh, dude!” in a shaky nasal voice.

Now you’re with it!

No word on whether other Miles 420, outside of Colorado, will similarly be downgraded to 419.99 as their signs gradually brighten the dwellings of light-fingered stoners.


THE ‘SEVENTH SEAL’ OF BEACH B-COMEDY? THE BEACH GIRLS (1982)

It doesn't get much better than this. (Cover detail via Amazon)

Slapstick. Skimpy outfits. Stunning young actors. And a guy from Animal House.

Sound good? Set your brain to Neutral and settle in for 91 minutes of uncomplicated T&A.

Memorial Day comes gloriously to Paradise Beach, CA. Aspiring law student Sarah (Debra Blee) house-sits her uncle Carl’s beach property while he’s out of town. Large and luxurious with an ocean view, sauna, hot tub and pool, Carl’s place won’t be easy to manage. Better call in two more super-hot chicks (Val Kline and Jeana Tomasina as Ginger and Ducky) to help.

Ginger (inexplicably blonde) quickly recruits a gaggle of randomly selected teen partygoers, starting with Scott Daniels (James Daughton, better known for Greg Marmalard in Animal House), a guitar-wielding hitchhiker picked up en route. The rest she finds in the Yellow Pages. It’s a bacchanal of randy delivery boys and even a young cop (Channing Clarkson) who, investigating a noise complaint, somehow forgets his job and joins the fun.

Ginger’s recruitment interviews go like this: